I really wonder how long more could i keep myself from telling you the truth,maybe it's true,I really am just a weakling.I only dare to do thing in the dark without showing my true intention to others.Just like how i handle my own relationship...
...Hate myself for being so weak...
Should i consider today lucky or unlucky?Even though we are neighbour for like over 10 years,friends for 8years,but we never talk in real life after we both leave primary.Since then i been avoiding her everytime i go out of my house.8 years of friendship,and we only talk in msn or sms each other.I haven't seen her for like more then 6 month,and today i actually saw her while buying food!AHH!Abit paiseh sia.
CHEER UP EVERYBODY~Don't know what else to say...
OHHH MY DEAR AHWAN~.HAHAS.Getting crazy le me,this joke seem to be going too far.
Since i got nothing to blog about today,so i just post a e-mail by someone important to me...I wonder how many is true for me.
*Belive it or not.......
1. Guys don't actually look after good-looking girls. they prefer neat
and presentable girls.(I not sure myself?)
2. Guys hate flirts.(At least for me i do?
3.When a guy says he doesn't understand you, it simply means you're not
thinking the way he is.(Er...i don't know?)
4. Guys may be flirting around all day but before they go to sleep,
they always think about the girl they truly care about ..(Wah lan,i never flirt around all day!)
5. When a guy really likes you, he'll disregard all your bad
characteristics.(TRUE!I like her for who she is.)
6. Guys go crazy over a girl's smile.(HELL YEAH!)
7. Guys will do anything just to get the girl's attention.(I don't think so for me?)
8. When you touch a guy's heart, there's no turning back.(Er...There's no turning back for me now.)
9. When a girl says 'no', a guy hears it as 'try again tomorrow'.
.... so true.(More like try again later.)
10. You have to tell a guy what you really want before he gets the
message clearly.(I think you're trying to say we are all rocks.)
11. Guys love their moms.(Of cos,are you stupid?)
12. A guy would sacrifice his money for lunch just to get you a couple
of roses.(True for me?)
13. A guy often thinks about the girl who likes him. But this doesn't
mean that the guy likes her.(Really?But why i still like the girl i think of?)
14. You can never understand him unless you listen to him.(But i don't say out my true feeling!)
15. If a guy tells you he loves you once in a lifetime. He does.(Erm,i not sure myself?Never said this words before.)
16. Beware. Guys can make gossips scatter through half of the face of
the earth faster than girls can.(REALLY?Can i try?)
17. Like Eve, girls are guys' weaknesses.(Sorry,only the girl i like.)
18. Guys are very open about themselves.(I very close dude!)
19. It's good to test a guy first before you believe him. But don't let
him wait that long.(I am not worth believing...DON'T!)
20. Guys hate it when their clothes get dirty. Even a small dot.(ERM?Speechless,wonder if it's a guy who do this e-mail!)
21. Guys really admire girls that they like even if they're not that
much pretty.(AGREE!)
22. If a guy tells you about his problems, he just needs someone to
listen to him. You don't need to give advice ... very true.(Don't worry,i won't talk about my problem much.)
23. A usual act that proves that the guy likes you is when he teases
you.(HUH!?CANNOT JOKE AROUND WITH OTHER GIRLS!?)
24. Guys keep secrets that girls tell them.(I think for me too?)
25. Guys think too much.(I think every single minute!Sometime i don't even know what am i thinking...)
26. Guys fantasies are unlimited.(What are fantasies?=P.)
27. Girls' height doesn't really matter to a guy but her weight
does! ... very true.(LIKE REAL.)
28. Guys tend to get serious with their relationship and become too
possessive. So watch out girls!!!(Er,i only been in a relationship once!It ended fast too.I don't know?)
29. Guys are more talkative than girls are especially when the topic is
about girls.(CHIOBU,CHIOBU!Hahas.)
30. You can truly say that a guy has good intentions if you see him
praying sometimes.(But i stopped believing in anything years ago?)
31. If a guy says you're beautiful, that guy likes you.(YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL WANYEE=P.Hahas.)
32. Guys hate girls who overreact.(Really?But if i like her,i accept her everything.)
33. Guys love you more than you love them IF they are serious in your
relationships.(...Don't wish to answer this...)
Doesn't this all make sense?(NO! for some lah.)
Hais,i don't know what is happening to me today.Suddenly went to blog at my other blog when i know that she will never come back to my old blog anyway.Maybe that's the only place where i am true to my own self?
Suddenly i think of you...And i am still thinking of you now,feel like i am losing my mind soon.
If our brain could work like a computer how good would it be?Our memories would be like data.We could easily delete our memories.1 click DELETE,and everything would be gone.At the same time i could also delete all my useless emotion?Become a person without emotion?Become a cold guy?Heartless and not caring about anything or anyone!How good would it finally be!?
HAIS!What the shit is kinda happening to me today?My feeling is all messed up today.Even my emotion are messed up.Maybe this are all excuses to run away from myself.But well,i do admit i can't stop myself for not caring about it.But i also can't help in anyway.ARGH!DAMN BLOODY HELL!There's an anger growing inside of me waiting to be unleash onto someone!!!
I feel like going back to my own world of basketball.The world whereby there isn't any worries and trouble for me.The world whereby i only have 1 thought in my mind.Which is to become stronger and stronger!
I WANT TO MURDER SOMEONE!ARGH.WHY IS THERE SOOOOO MANY PROBLEM SURFACING IN THE CLASS!!@#$%^&*(!@#$%^&*()!@#$%%^&*(*@.
Hais,some time i really hate my own life.I seriously don't mind people asking me to help them.But i hate it when i can't do anything to help out.ARGH!Even though i can think of lots of solution to help,but in the end,all this solution are just crap.Nothing really works.Damn Fuck!!
I finally finished my project.Used 7 Mahjong paper.I still don't quite like my work,but i don't feel like doing anymore copy since i don't have any more Mahjong paper left.Just hand in this 2 tomorrow.
Something happened today,even though i know that something had happened,but i didn't ask.I feel like......HAIS.
I really wonder why do people have memories?Memories just to torture people?To some people memories are happy to them,but to me all those happy memories seem to be sad now.It's so hard to forget your smile.It's almost like it found a place in my mind already and it's not going to leave anytime soon.
Adults keep thinking of the past...Kids run to the future...While i am struck in the present where all the pain and sadness are...
Haiyo my beloved ahwan arh...Stop stressing yourself le.Don't think so much,sleep more arh!Don't keep say i never sleep yesterday night!Your health is more important okie?Don't worry about anything,you'll always have friends by your side supporting you.Lijuan them will always support you de.Of cos i will also be by your side forever.I know that O level is coming and you're studying for it too,but there're also time whereby you need to rest too.Your body need to rest,your mind need to rest too.REST MORE WOR!
Oh lastly,you people don't anyhow think that ahwan is my stead just because i call her beloved!
Some time i really wonder,have i grow up even a little bit ever since i came to ite?I really don't know at time,i feel very immature at time.Thinking foolishly,feeling foolishly,acting foolishly.At time i really feel like telling you the truth,but there seem to be something stopping me.Maybe i really shouldn't tell you the truth first.I don't know how would you feel after knowing the truth,i don't even know how i would do after i told you the truth.I really not sure if i won't avoid each other after you know the truth.I really not sure if everything would change after this?There seem to be so many what if inside my mind.What if you are unable to accept the truth and avoid me?What if i myself can't take it as if nothing had happen and avoid you?What if i lose you as a friend?What if!What if!So many what if in my mind!It's almost driving me crazy.I just wish there's a kind of medicine for me to eat and just forget all my trouble inside of me.But would i lost my ability to even try to act out the smile in front of my friends and family?No matter what i still don't want people to worry for me.
Yesterday was doing the table.Freaking tired,but one thing about yesterday is someone whom i know for 8 years sms me suddenly.Hahas.Was happy to see her sms,my primary school friend/aka. my neighbour also.Hmm,but i know that whenever she sms me,sure troubled and need me to help her or just support her.But i really don't know what to say to her yesterday,HAIS.
I think i realised something...Hmm,hoping i was wrong,but it just seems to be real.
Was wondering how much longer am i able to hold my true feeling?Why is there suddenly so much sadness inside of me?Hais.Feel so lonely suddenly...
Playing YulGangOnline.Nothing to do,even such lame game i also starting to play!?
Got bored and nothing to do,morning some idiot called me while i still sleeping ask me go play basketball.Lols,ok la better then staying at home.Hahas.But boring,no people to play match with =(.Only got some rookies trying to act pro,sians if we 3 go play with them i think sure own them until they cry.No fun like this,hahas.Just now went to do some lame facebook quizes.
-What's your biggest fear?...You are a loyal and faithful person, but your fear keeps you from doing things you really want or need to do. Sometimes you wish you could be a different person, maybe it would be easier, but instead you need to embrace who you are and trust that everything around you won't crumble. You think about death often and sometimes it makes you live harder, but other times it makes you depressed. You've thought about suicide, but you fear that too. You pretend to be happy when you really aren't and you try to be something for everyone in order to feel loved. But underneath it all you just want to be loved for who you are. You sometimes fear yourself and who you are and you don't want to waste a second of your life, but you don't know where to go or where to turn. You have a big heart and you don't want to waste it, but you sometimes wonder what love really is.
Really arh?I didn't know i wish i could be a different person?I think i do sia,sometime?Hahas.Hey!Why some part really linked to me!?I don't thought about suicide okies!?I just try to let the car bang me see i can die ma sometime!!Okies la,it's true for me that it's hard for me to trust people now because of my past,but i am trying okies!!!O.OHow you know i pretend to be happy?Too accurate le bah?=P.EH!!The whole things really got so accurate meh?Like the whole things seriously linked to me now?But i don't have a big heart!Hahas.I don't even have a heart now!But i do wonder sometimes what's love?Hmm,maybe one day i will find my answer?When i am lying inside the coffin....Muhahahahas!This quiz really very accurate for me?Except for the part whereby i have a big heart~.Hahas.
-How happy are you?...20% only!Life is crap.
Hahas!Funny sia!20% only.I thought at least still got 40% bah?Worst then i expected?Hahas.But true,my life isn't that happy anyway.Got 20% better then 0%?Hahas.
-How do you see the world?...Indifferently.You like to look at indifferently and because of this you think a lot. Think back to the reason why you have this perc...eption of the world. In order to arrive at this conclusion most likely you were a thinker, which puts you in the category of "Logic" however you tend to stay more middle ground. Neutral is the way to go, but when you do follow what you believe in, or what your mind thinks it's something usually important.
Er....No comments.LOLs,don't know what to think now?Hahas.But i think i do thing quite alot sometime?Suddenly i will blank out into my own world thinking of things.
Went out to watch Where Got Ghosts,hahas.DeyNey,WeiNeng,Eunice and me went.Decided to watch it last minute.Whoo,the movie was nice man!But sians is that we sit quite infront,my neck pain sia.Somemore the idiot behind my row keep kicking my chair,!@#$%^&*.After the movie,Eunice went back first,then the 3 idiot,me,DeyNey and WeiNeng walk around causeway.Bored to max sia.Went to mac first,i eat icecream there,suddenly everybody diam there.Funny.Then went to arcade.!@#$%^,play the strength measurement thingy arh.Use hammer hit de,keep losing to DeyNey by abit.!@#$%^,even punch d also keep losing to him by abit!!@#$%^,i even missed one and only hit 2000+!Sway arh!!Highest only 84++,sians la.After that walk walk,not sure want to do what also.Hahas.Call Eunice to see if she's meeting us ma.Then er,ohya we take mrt to CCK to meet Eunice,then we all went to WEST COAST PARK!We're all like crazy idiot down there.Seems so childish suddenly there.No need type so much ba?Let the picture do the talking like usual?=D.
Who the hell is he?Guess...Muhahahas.
Where's my shoe?=P.
Hey,Hey,Hey,stop acting cool you guys=P.
OMFG!The couple!Hahas.
The 3 brothers.Lols.
Forgot what i was trying to do again.Hahas. 
I am thinking of crap at that point of time.
Just sitting around.
Still sitting around.
Sitting around.
Is the thing strong enough?
Inside the car. 
WeiNeng what you trying to do?=P. 
The 3 emo kids.
What you trying to do?=P. 
The Blacks.Lols.
The Blacks~Hahas.
Too dark.
Where you all looking at?I forget myself.Hahas.
Eunice no strength to pull DeyNey!Hahas.
Ain't you too old for this?
What're you trying to do? 
I forget what i am doing myself.
Feel like kicking someone butt=P.
What you looking at?Hahas.
WeiNeng what are you thinking?=P.Today freak bored,wake up so freaking early just to go school and have an hour lesson and go home?Feel very tired even when i reached school,but i just acted nothing.Hahas.Think i am half asleep inside the classroom?Today do cloud point,nothing much for us to do in class.Teacher do all the thing and we just had to answer?Or rather copy for me?Hahas,i just copied teacher paper which is just beside me only!Hmm,like everybody is falling sick again?Today Jie and Miss Lim sick.Hope the sickness in our class will shoo off.Hmm,get well soon bah everybody =).After lesson i forgot what happen,hahas!I think we were talking to Ms Ng about ghost?Hahas,then we sit down there deciding where to go!Sometime i feel this things is seriously very ma fan.Even want go where eat we also need discuss for like 10min before making a decision?So in the end we went to clementi there to eat?So we went to eat bla bla bla,wei neng went home to change.DeyNey and Faris come my house.We go play pool again!Last minute decision.Hahas.Actually got 5 of us,but Abdullah don't want to go in the end.So left 4 of us!Well,4 of us still can joke!Hahas.The 4 of us dress till very funny.I wear my jacket like hip-hoper or gangster.Faris dress very formal thanks to me,because i lend him my clothes.Hahas,DeyNey and WeiNeng dress very very casual.Let the picture do the rest of the talking?
You will always have a place in my heart.
WooooooHoooooo.Just woke up,lols!Slept for 30min,but seem like i slept for 1 days!This morning...Hmm,waited for everybody at Clementi for total of 40min.Everybody keep staring at me when i haven't even stare at them YET.Muhahahaha!Got 1 guy sitting beside me while i am waiting for them like got problem with me.Keep looking at me!Want gay arh?Go geylang la!Maybe you would be able to find some gays =P.Seriously don't know what's the problem with that guy.Keep staring and staring and staring.Wanted to ask him if his eyes got problem d ma.I stare back he turn,wah lau.Dare to stare,i turn zhao?Nvm la,less trouble!!Don't cause so much trouble le la!!!Something funny at the train!I think if i remember correctly it was Eunice who told me today got practical assignment test?I seriously don't know today got test sia!Anw thinking back,does it even matter if i know or not?I don't really go study anyway.But i think i kinda need to start study le?AC test coming soon.Next month?Hmm,today test was quite like shit for us?All of us like not sure what to do?My brain still jam down there,haven't remember how to set-up.After that i throw all the boiling chips inside!Crazy,then take all out again,so in the end we are the last group to finish.So the last group 2 question,i think we most ai zai?Other group discuss for so long,our group teacher finish asking we straight ask if can answer now ma.Woot,easy question.First question is asking why must we put boiling chips in.Joyce and Murni answered.So still left me and Ching Qi?I solo the 2nd question.2nd question is if we change the water in and water out,what will happen?Woo easy like hell this question.Even Sim also say perfect answer!In his face!=P.So i went back to sit.Clean up.Then went out PLAY DAIDI!!!Mrt also play daidi,hmm seems like we keep playing everywhere we go?Kinda bored with it already,but got nothing to do also.Ohya,went to lot1 to buy comic!!Woo,my favourite thing to do is buying comic?I think so?Hahas.Or reading comic?Well either one la,i don't really care.As long as it concern my comic,i think i like?Muhahaha!Ohya DeyNey help me go malaysia buy a jacket,was cool la,that day he call me also funny.Hahas.Okies end of today lame day post~.LETS CREATE MORE CHAOS IN OUR GROUP TOMORROW!MUHAHAHAS!Any idea?=P.
YO JIE~SIS~Jie~Sis hahas.Nothing to do arh.Think i am getting more and more crazy?Influenced by?Er.I think by myself?=P.Influence myself to get more crazy please!?LOLs.Must be mad le me.
I feel like i am trying to escape from the truth.I am living in a world of lies,every single lies seem to be created by me.Nothing in my world is real.Maybe i am trying to escape all the truth in front of me?Maybe it's more harder for me to face lies then truth?I forget how many years i hasn't been true to my feeling?Even when it come to feeling,i also had to lie and hide everything.Maybe i am really just not the kind of person who's able to speak his true feeling and emotion face to face?One day when i will able to tell you the truth,but i am not sure if that day would ever come.
Spend all my time all afternoon probing and probing about things.If i should ever tell you the truth ma?Hmm,i am not ready yet.Let's just continue escaping and escaping ba.I don't care if people is going to say about me.
I not sure what am i doing at time?It just seem to me that every single decision i made is just another mistake i made in life.Every step is just another mistake.Maybe i am really isn't fit to help,but to cause chaos.
Don't ask me why do i not say out my true feeling infront of people,this is me okie?Just get used to it!=).I don't means i don't care about you just because i don't say it out.I still care for you as my friend.I really don't know how to anwei you face to face.
My name say i am silent, calm, drop-dead-dashing and incredibility intelligent.Oh Really?Don't really think so leh?
Hais,somehow i feel that i am the one that cause them to quarrel today.If we were to go on our own,would they have quarrel?HAIS!FUCK IT MAN!Why do i always end up destroying instead of helping?Am i only able to destroy?Maybe i am live to destroy not to save anything.Maybe i really belong to the dark side?
What a sway day for me today.First i have massive headache in the morning,afternoon even worst headache and fever.At night having high fever,39.2deg.What the hell man?I slept almost all afternoon but my headache is almost getting more and more worst instead.Hmm,must recover faster!Tomorrow i will be fine!I...I...I also don't know can ma =P.Hahas.Try my best to recover.Lols.
Why do i still misses her?Why do i still love her even up till now?Why do i still keep her photo in my computer?Why couldn't i just delete the photo?Why is it so hard just to forget her?Why do her make me so obess with her?Why can't i even stop thinking of her even for 1 whole day?Even though i know that we belong to 2 different world.Her world and my world,is too far apart from each other.I could bear the pain to hurt her so that she would forget me more easily with hate.Just because she belong to another world.Just so many WHY in my world!WHY!?ARGH.