~Life Of Destiiny~

2011-10-07T21:37:00.002+08:00

I Just Can't Forget You!

How long has it been? 4 weeks in Home Team Academy already. Even i can't believe that 1 month passed so fast. But i don't even know if my fitness level had increased or not. But i really hoped to make a different in my life this 2 years.

Why can't i just forget you? Every night after dinner,i will just think about you suddenly. Really wish those memories inside of me stop coming back to torture me already.

2011-10-02T10:05:00.004+08:00

Life As We Know It

Life is starting to get worst for me in Home Team Academy. I not even sure if i am able to hang on to the very last minute. To the day i can POP/POC. But like the words,"Steer Determination". With "Steer Determination",i can hold on till the end of 6 months. Not going to give up anymore because i promised Ahwan i won't!

Last night,i can't take it and went to her Facebook and check up on her again. Maybe i really can't forget what had happen between the both of us. I really wonder how long is this gonna take for me to really not care so much for you.

I LOVE YOU.

2011-09-25T11:25:00.003+08:00

Life In Police NS

Life is not easy there. Discipline is so much more needed inside the HTA. Everyday get fucked up by the Field Instructor. Seriously in there lots of moral support from people you love really helps.

Had it been months since we last meet? But why do i still feel so much for you? I can't shake off this feeling of wanting to see you! It's so hard! So hard to forget you! Why? Can someone tell me how to forget you? Why do i feel so miserable without you? I really felt like crying out loud at time,but i can't. I want to get stronger in term of body and mind! I want to forget you! I want to find someone to love properly. Someone who depend on me likewise i depend on too!

BUT I REALLY MISSES YOU!

And i still LOVE you...

2011-07-18T18:48:00.002+08:00

WHAT TO DO?

What should i do now? Hang on to the very last bit of hope i have? Or rather hang on to the very last bit of delusion hope i have? I knew all along that when i let you go that night,i won't be able to hold you in my arm again. LOVE? I love you! But does it matter? I finally got the courage to say i like you to you,but the truth is i really want to say is i love you. But maybe i am just a weakling. A weakling that can't even say out the really feeling i want to say. A weakling that doesn't dare to say YES I REALLY WANT TO BE WITH YOU NO MATTER WHAT! GIVE ME A CHANCE!? But NO! I am a weakling that don't even dare to admit it. I am a weakling that only avoid it. Saying i don't mind,i don't mind. But i mind! I wanna be with you! A chance to be with you! But maybe by running away this time again is the best choice i'll ever made for you? Who know if i can even bring you happiness? RIGHT?

TEARS? SADNESS? HAPPINESS? ANGER? Why isit all coming back to me? I thought i could make my heart be as cold as ice. But maybe i'm just a human after all.

2011-06-20T11:20:00.003+08:00

FORGET!!

Seriously i shouldn't think that this happiness that i feel is mine again. Because it doesn't belong to me,so stop thinking about it! =(

Benjamin signing off..

2011-04-05T13:11:00.000+08:00

I REALLY WISH TO LEARN THIS 1 LIFE LESSON.

To learn how to forget YOU.

2011-03-18T22:32:00.000+08:00

DOES IT MATTER?

2011-03-08T14:20:00.003+08:00

MY CHOICE!

The time to make my choice is reaching. I must get all my courage and do it. No matter what the outcome of it will be i have to do it! IT'S FOR THE BETTER OF HER... I don't expect her to forgive me nor even understand my decision. Because all my lives i always been this unlucky. Meeting her,knowing her,falling in love was really a bonus. But FATE still gonna take away my bonus at the very end every single time... This time is no different too.

2011-02-15T20:05:00.002+08:00

The Best Memories Is The Most Sad Memories I Ever Had.

It's been so long since i last blogged. Sometime i wonder what's the point of blogging? Hmm.

You said you have pride. Then what about me? I have feeling too when you do such things. Don't treat me like i am invisible!?

2011-01-12T21:37:00.002+08:00

To move on without forgetting the dead,but also to cherish the living ones.

This week is damn freaking tiring for me. Both physically and mentally. I can get enough sleep to make up for my physically tiredness,but i not sure how to cure my mental tiredness. So tired. I just wanna give up caring about things,but in the end my mind still tend to think of solution... GO DIE MY MIND!

2-3 more weeks CNY already. So much so much things i have to do. Getting a new speaker for my computer tomorrow maybe?

MONEY LEFT : $550 =(.

2011-01-03T22:06:00.002+08:00

Everything will come to the end eventually.

Hmm,sometime i really hate myself for being so useless. Sometime i really wish i could say out things,things that is in my heart that i couldn't bring myself to say. I for once really wish that i could say out those words to you,even though i know i shouldn't be saying such things anymore but i really really wish for once i could do it!

Someone wrote in her blog i'm like a KID! Sad ahwan. So i look like a kid to you? Sad. Sad.

Yesterday i really had a great time out. 13 Cells and everything. I should be the one saying thanks to you and not the other way around. Thank You for giving me such a wonderful night. Thank You for liking the bracelet that i have bought for you even though i can't tell you how much it's. Thank You for liking the cake and bringing me to eat the chicken rice. Thank You for being part of my life,for being my friend.

2010-12-30T18:55:00.004+08:00

HATE & LOVE come together.

Quite bored today,went to polyclinic this morning but in the end the queue also quite long already and some more the doctor is the same doctor i saw last time when i went to polyclinic for the same problem! Damn it. Went to AMK after that to do something which is kinda important to me... After that bloody wait for 2 PERSON for 2 FREAKING HOURS AT JE!

<==

ONE WORD TO SAY ABOUT THIS RED WINE! SUCKS! I mean frankly,first the after taste sucks. Second the smell of the red wine was not bad,but the taste sucks. Lastly the promoter told me it was semi-sweet but i don't think it's semi-sweet. So one word about "River Breeze",it sucks to the point i had to "force" myself to drink it down. Ok force is a bad word,well but it's still my choice to buy it so i'll have to live with the consequence of it. But well what do you expect from a Red Wine that only cost $16 and bought at Giant? This prove you pay for what you get.

2010-12-28T23:47:00.002+08:00

Stop looking back is the stupidest words to me,because i'm still living in the past.

Someone told me this today. Ben,things had already passed so long. Move on in life okey? My reply? I told him this,don't worry cause i ain't looking back? Because i still am living in the past. =). I know i seriously pissed him off but this's the truth my friend...

Back at Sudden Attack. Somehow i feel myself getting more and more better now. Still having insomnia and depending on sleeping pill to sleep at night.

Maybe i am stupid but i still am hoping you would tell me yourself... But i know that won't happen. Maybe destiiny is playing with me once again. Maybe leaving is the best choice in my life... But can i ever say goodbye to you?

2010-12-27T22:16:00.003+08:00

Anger lead to Sadness lead to Hate and more Sadness and more Anger.

Anger and Sadness. Both mix together and you'll get only HATE. In the past i always wonder how hate come about. I never really hate anything so much,well maybe except for myself? I almost forgot the reason why i hate about myself. ALMOST. But thanks to certain events that's happening recently,i finally remember why i hate myself rather then hating the world.

Couldn't sleep for 1 week. Need to depend on sleeping pill to sleep.

2010-12-24T00:18:00.004+08:00

Love is the root of all the pain.

Seriously why the hell am i hoping for?

Since when do i believe in miracle?

Since when i start to care so much?

Am i the bad guy in your life?

Do you really hate me that much?

Maybe the decision i made 1 year back is right?

But can i really do it when the time come?

Can i really just escape reality and just walk out of your life?

Is it the only choice i am left with now?

Is there a better choice that i could made without hurting you?

Or rather is the decision i made will affect you or not?

Maybe i am just a tissue in your life?

I have served my purpose in your life and now it's time for me to leave?

Maybe some feeling can never be spoken out and should never be?

because it's unspoken that's why it's more beautiful...

Time flies.

People changes.

But there are always things that'll never changes.

That'll be memories that will always be there somewhere within your heart.

It can never be erase from within you no matter how much you try to do so.

because those memories are beautiful to you...

2010-12-19T23:04:00.007+08:00

Because we chose the wrong path in the past,we knew which is the right path now.

C'mas is coming.. This year it's a ORANGE C'mas! Frankly i don't know what is an orange c'mas. Anybody can tell me? Hahas,talking to myself sia! As if got people reading my blog...

Last Friday was the last day of school. Now i'm having holiday!!! WooHoo. Basically went to JP after school on friday. Bought a box of choco for lijuan. She say she was joking when she asked for c'mas present,but i still bought it for her in the end. LOLs.

At friday night. Cousin wedding night at Suntec Convection Centre. Frankly i thought at first since it was suntec so i doubt much people will be dressing formal so i really didn't think much and was planning to just wear a long sleeve tshirt. But get scolded by my mom saying dress till so informal,then in the end changed again! WASTE TIME! But lucky i changed!! Everybody was like dress till so FORMAL! Lucky i didn't make a fool out of myself that night! Grand wedding that night,so nice. OHYA! That night got RED WINE! ARGH!!! I wanna drink it!! BUT!! My mom beside me can't even drink. WORST! My cousin put a cup of red wine infront of me!!! DAMN IT MAN! The smell of red wine so nice!!! But can only smell can't drink!! It's like a torture to me the whole night!! "FAINT" So wanna drink it!

BASICALLY! I'm a failure! I went for my driving test evaluation today! 20th i need go for BTT and i still haven't pass my evaluation! I was so damn confident that i can pass in 1 shot. In the end both try also fail! Damn it. I only needed 1 more question correct to pass it for both tries!! ARGH!!! Monday morning gonna go try taking it once more. If i can't pass it tomorrow then i can't take my test! Then must put back and the next early slot i see is during MID FEB! "FAINT". Why am i so unlucky? Someone tell me WHY!? Friday unlucky. Saturday unlucky. Sunday also unlucky. PRAY THAT TOMORROW I JUST NEED TO BE LUCKY FOR THE EVALUATION. PRAY! PRAY! PRAY!

don't ask me why,because i can't give you a answer why.

don't ask me how,because even i also don't know how.

don't ask me where,because i'm also looking for it.

don't ask me when,because i want to know when too.

all i know is WHAT.

all i know is WHO.

but on the other hand,i choose not to know WHY...

2010-12-08T19:32:00.004+08:00

Not all feeling are shown,some are hidden deep inside of ones.

I don't know why but at time it really feel sucks about things. Why does the one always get wronged when one's is the one trying to help someone? At time even when you know that you're being wronged you couldn't do or say anything about it. All you can do is hate it,hate that the fact that you care so much for someone. Hate that the fact that you know that something bad is going to happen and all you can do is see that person sink deeper and deeper down...

HMM,AHWAN! =)

hahas,shocked?=P.

i want to thanks this special person in my life.

her name is wanyee aka ahwan! =)

thanks for being by my side and listening to all my problem which i can't tell anyone.

you know me the best ar =)

at time even before i said anything you already knew that i was feeling down to the max.

but i know i can't do much for you.

THAT'S WHY ALL I CAN SAY IS....

THANKS YOU AHWAN!

2010-12-04T21:36:00.008+08:00

The heart of a cyclone is in the middle.
Just like human,the core of human is FEELING.

Why the hell am i down here feeling so fucking pissed off for when YOU don't even listen to what i said to YOU in the past? HUH WHY! WHY!? fuck! FUCK! fuck!

Really feel sorry to a certain someone...I kept saying to her i would be alright,i would be alright.But in the end i'm still struck at that same FUCKING lousy place alone.

I can't say the name out cause lazy also,but i think she know who she is and i just want to say SORRY for only smsin u when i'm down ba?Next time when i sms u,i promise it'll be about good news!

Can't stop myself for thinking about things,really need someone to talk to now like BADLY!

2010-11-23T22:13:00.003+08:00

When you thought it's the end,the truth is it's just the starting.

WOOHOO,my aika ZanCrow reach level50!! Like finally? But getting pro,need MONEY to get good equipment.

STRESSING OUT SOON! ARGH!! So many project and things i need to do! ARGH! SOMEONE KILL ME!?

2010-10-23T23:54:00.002+08:00

When you thought things are already over,it ain't.

I think i'm getting lazy to blog nowadays. Or rather i don't wish to blog about stuff. Stuff that i really shouldn't let anybody know ya? Somehow i feel myself losing the ability to judge like in the past. Maybe i have just close the eyes in my heart now? I think lots had changed in me. It kinda don't really feel like me anymore? It feel like i became another person? One who won't care about what happen in the class anymore? One who won't try to help solve things when i know the problem? One who just wanna escape from my own feeling because i know in the end this feelings will just turn their claws and attack me eventually.

I thought i could do it. I thought i could face everything but the truth is that it's just sleeping in my subconscious mind,waiting for the trigger to once again start it.

2010-10-15T08:13:00.007+08:00

Time is always counting down,but it's the time left that matter.

Somehow i feel sucks about things. Feel like i am such a burden in your life. Each and every time i try to help cheer you up it always end up failing. It really feel sucks to keep trying to act like i'm okie infront of you whenever i seeing you feeling down. Trying to make a freaking big joker whenever i'm near you so to indirectly try to cheer you up. Maybe i'm just fooling myself in things? Why the hell would a useless me make a different in your life? You,who got so much friends in life that's always there for you whenever you're feeling sad would need me? Maybe it's time for me to accept this cruel fact. The fact that it's me who is lonely inside. And the fact that i still do kinda .............. You.

Time is ticking as the days,weeks,and months passes by my life. Telling me the day will be coming soon. The day whereby i'll leave your life and the day you would forget this burden on your in life.

2010-09-29T23:31:00.003+08:00

Walking down the road of memory once again,but this time alone.

Is this some kind of curse or unluckiness? I went down to town to want buy something but when i went to the shop,it's either closed or closing! Damn it man!!! ARGH!!!!

Maybe i was wrong in thinking that i forgotten. Only you can prove me wrong and you did prove me wrong.

2010-09-08T19:43:00.003+08:00

Real happiness come from understanding the sadness

I finally gotten my Zowie Gear!!! Now i am thinking of changing my Steelseries headset to Zowie Hammer set? But EXPENSIVE!!

2010-08-28T19:20:00.002+08:00

Don't regret in life cause regret hurt more then reject.

Today i went to Queentown Shopping Centre to buy something purple for my bloody staff dinner which theme is "PURPLE!" I also intend to buy a guitar when i was thinking of going there today. Was still considering to buy or not to buy when i was on the way there. In the end i BOUGHT it! Was having mix feeling of happy and sad? Happy that i bought it? Sad that i didn't have anybody to teach me? LOLs. Well the BRAND is Tribal. Kinda cool eh? I think. Hahas.

2010-08-21T15:23:00.002+08:00

Everything seem to be a lie in front of me now.

Bought a new book today,"The Haunting of James Hastings". Not sure if it's nice to read or not but i seem to attract my eyes? There're 2 other book that also caught my eyes! "The Left Hand of God" and " Hush Hush". Not sure if i am buying or not,well i need $150 to buy my Zowie bundle set. My new gaming gear,and my final gear is finally in place but gear ain't everything in winning,skills are too!

2010-08-16T20:11:00.002+08:00

我记得我曾经爱过,但子是爱过而不是拥有过.

Suddenly thought of something and it has been in my mind over and over again. I really can't seem to get it off my head! Kinda need time off from things to clear my mind off.

2010-08-13T23:20:00.002+08:00

Behind every HERO is a ZERO.

Somehow i feel that every morning i wake up and i look into the mirror. I saw another person inside the mirror every single day. Well,it's more like the look in my eyes in getting more and more sinister in the morning. Well,thinking back i really am evil deep inside somewhere? LOLs.

2010-08-09T17:44:00.001+08:00

If you can't let go of someone when they die,then cherish them when they're alive.

Guess i not playing the Caged And1 Basketball 3 on 3 match after all? Really thought i could play the game. I thought like this could be my last chance to play a 3 on 3 match but well guess the chance is gone? HA.

2010-08-06T21:35:00.003+08:00

People do change,but never change just because the person you love ask you to.

Today i saw on the Newspaper something!!! Something that really caught my eyes!!! A Caged And1 Basketball 3 on 3 Match! And! And! The age limit is 18 AND BELOW! Which mean i just nice fit the criteria for it!!! Woo!!! But i not sure if i could find enough people to play the game or not!

Even though it suck but today i kinda "celebrate" Ethel Birthday by treating her KFC. It's like after almost 1 month already? But eat finish have to rush home -.-" Sucky.

2010-08-04T19:59:00.002+08:00

Don't ever think you know me well when what you know is only the surface!

Someone told me today this " Because of those people we saw in Secondary make us realize the true nature of human!". I bloody agreed to the max! I miss secondary life with all my Bro,Benson,Kenneth and Yue Ming them. The days whereby i play basketball every single day after school without fail. But it's also because of those days that make who we are now. I miss the life i had when i was playing maple too. Whereby i met my first love,Nancy. Fall in love with her and hurt her with love,lose her in love. All my maple friends,Cho,Viki etc. All the memories i had in ITE too make me who i am now. Memories be it happy or painful and sad,it's still mine and it make me ME?

Don't judge me with your own point of view on me! Cause you don't know who the real me is! So fuck your words!

2010-08-03T18:07:00.002+08:00

It's easy to love someone,but it's hard to forget someone.

Work! Work! Work! That's all on my mind currently. Working 7 day a week! I want to buy so much things that i never buy in the past!

Hate It! Piss off! Fuck off my life can you?

2010-08-01T19:26:00.003+08:00

Scar that can't be seen doesn't heal no matter how much time passes.

I look at the 3 line i slash using penknife fading away i feel sad. Kinda getting crazy. But remind me of something.

Yesterday went to watch movie,"The Sorcerer Apprentice". It was really quite a nice movie,quite funny too. Watched in at Lido,Shaw's house there with Beng ONLY! Ask so much people out in the end all don't want,give up already. But yesterday remember some of my happy memories which i shouldn't be thinking of already. Kept thinking yesterday what if i didn't do this that night would it be a different ending? What if i escape would it not end like this. What if this and that. But in the end what if is really only WHAT IF! No matter how much i wishes thing could never do anything bout it because things are already became a past and all i could do now is only wishing what if. No matter how much it still hurts i will still continue to hide those sad face from you.

2010-07-29T20:21:00.002+08:00

When forgetting someone became from "Choice" to "Must",it's gonna hurts.

Been quite some since i last blog. Bit lazy to do anything much nowadays,even using com also don't know what to do much.

Today was not feeling VERY GOOD at work. Bla. Bla. Bla. Too much crap to say bout work so just gonna forget it! =D. Anw at work was checking the penknife for rusty or not. This is call BENJAMIN'S METHOD OF CHECKING! Basically i try cutting my arm to see if it's sharp or not! Haha! Nice method? Got 3 line. Bleeding at Biology Lab. Say i am crazy but somehow i kinda feel nice to feel pain and see blood shedding out from the 3 cut. HMM. =D.

Saturday going out!!! No Money! =(.

2010-07-24T10:44:00.003+08:00

Don't think you know me well when you don't even know which is the real me.

The choices we made in life decide everything. I think i am starting to understand things more clearly now then ever. But it doesn't mean i am becoming more mature or rather becoming more and more immature bout things around me.

Wearing contact the last 2-3 days. Starting to get use to life like this. But on the other hand not getting use.

2010-07-15T19:57:00.002+08:00

You who only see mistake in other can never see mistake in yourself.

I went to buy contact lens today! Bought 2 pair for 2 month. Actually i wanna buy 6 month cause will be able to get a pair more free which equal to a total of 7 months! Cheaper but just that i don't have enough money to buy! =(. Went to cut my hair today too. Thinking of changing myself from head to toes. Hahas.

2010-07-12T19:08:00.002+08:00

Don't take too long to say "I Love You" cause time has a habit of slipping away the chance.

Ahwan~ Are you really back? Where have you gone to all this time? =D. You're finally back huh! Welcome back =).

Damn tired in work today. Suddenly got so much things to do at work today after lunch and i am so busy until that i didn't realize that it was already 4 pm when i am free to see the clock! LOLs!

I wanna watch Twilight Saga Eclipse! Thinking i am going to watch it next week? Or maybe this weekend? HMM.

2010-07-11T18:51:00.002+08:00

The unspoken memories of love is the most precious.

This weekend i burn it by working so as to save $100 to buy my Sidewinder x4 Keyboard! Weehoo. I finally got a new better keyboard! Cost me $83! =(. 2 day pay gone in a flash!

Sometime i really wonder what must i do to make you trust in me...

2010-07-06T21:10:00.002+08:00

There never has been a WE in my life,it always been only ME.

Slack! Slack! Slack! Feel like slacking the whole week in my IA but i know i can't slack! Must work hard! I want good grade! Today overslept and took taxi to work! Shit cost me $25!! There goes my pay for last Sunday! HAIS!

There're things that should be said out loud rather it should be hidden inside yourself forever till the day you die and i am just going to do that right now for the best of you and me.

2010-07-05T21:40:00.002+08:00

The days are over,rise and shine!

Finally the days of torture are over. I can finally play SA using my desktop and not the stupid useless and laggy laptop! Woohoo!! Time to kill so people in game! But the thing is gonna cost me bout $1k! =(. Poor me!
Life sucks. But i still manage to hold on just by thinking of you every single days when i going to give up...

2010-07-05T21:38:00.001+08:00

2010-07-03T20:44:00.002+08:00

Life is nothing more then a ball of trouble.

I prefer to live in the dark. Because without darkness there won't be the saying look at the bright side? Darkness will teach people how to look on the bright side and love life.

2010-07-02T20:56:00.002+08:00

To turn back time and revert all the mistake i done!

Went to queenway shopping centre after work today. Bought a long sleeve shirt and a jacket! Spend $100 on those 2 item! Well,can't really say worth it but at least i think i really want to get some more clothes. To inter change at time at least.

My arm suddenly hurts when i was on the mrt! Woohoo!!!

2010-06-30T08:49:00.002+08:00

To make the people around you happy,you must first make yourself happy.

Didn't went to work today. Hmm one day pay gone,well take this as a chance to rest ba. I am going to get my May pay soon! Woo. It's about 130.80 or 103.80. i forgot how much it is,but i know for sure the 6 day work day i gotten 100+! Woohoo! =D

HAIS. Don't feel like saying anything bout yesterday night.

2010-06-25T19:13:00.000+08:00

Why Should I Care! FUCK!

Back to school today. Slacking the day off.

2010-06-24T19:06:00.003+08:00

The gate to heaven has close and i will be back in hell soon.

To bite more then you can bite and chew faster then you could chew. We are all human and we should do what we can do and not try to do more then what we can do. What within our ability is set,we can neither change it all we could do is face it.

2 days of slacking at work has come to an end. Next week will be back to hell. All i could do is just pray for the better! LOLs.

2010-06-20T20:24:00.002+08:00

When hell break lose,it's where you'll find the real me.

Just now i went to queentown shopping centre to shop for shop. I bought a shoe from world industries. Hmm,actually i wanted to buy white colour but only have black for my size! Damn man! Well so i walk around,actually wanted to buy shirt too. So i saw a jacket! I found the kind of jacket i am looking for! Going to buy that next week maybe? Possible ba.

2010-06-19T15:40:00.002+08:00

说了再见真的是再见?

What's is more important? Following the feeling in my heart and chase after the feeling? Or to just let go of what you feel deep down inside and wish that person is happy even if you know it's going to hurt so much so much from now on? The time for the Last Goodbye is finally coming...

2010-06-18T19:56:00.002+08:00

Shit,my thought is going hay wire!

This week i am under Adeline and it was really surprise that this week i was able to slack so much under her? Maybe it's because it's holiday that's why there isn't much things to do? I think this week the hardest things i done in her side is Stock Taking? Crazy so much mess at her side! I only done one side of the lab the whole day today! FREAK! Oh,i think the best thing that happen this week is Tuesday? We slacked the whole day doing absolutely NOTHING! Surprised? I been working like a dog when i am under her that week,and this week i was able to SLACK? Scary slacking when i under her.

Shit man,my thought are really going crazy this few days! Damn man! It already been a PAST. Shit why can't i forget it? DAMN,I REALLY HATE MYSELF!

2010-06-14T19:25:00.002+08:00

I am a Baller who lost his passion.

What right do i have as a baller anymore? When i can give up the thing i once liked so much easily as if it was nothing? My heart doesn't beat when i hear the sound of basketball anymore like the past. What's left is just an empty shell.

What i been through. How i feel isn't something that just anybody will understand. It just seem this 1year+ that past has been like a life lesson for me. I feel like i am learning and understanding life all over again. But this time i am the one experiencing it first hand unlike last time.

Feeling suck and useless whenever i can't help someone. All i can do is just watch. Hate myself for being such a useless guy!

2010-06-13T12:47:00.002+08:00

I AM A COMPLETE FAILURE.

Last night went out till it was like 1.30am before i went home. Feeling sucks.

Saw wei zhang and yong kai at mac just now. Been so long since i met them. Misses those days when we played basketball together with the gang. HMM.

2010-06-12T19:37:00.004+08:00

No hope is the best hope till it become true.

I think i am working 6 day a week rather than 5 day a week? Also it's at 2 different work place! LOLs. No choice since i am damn bored and i really wanna buy lots of things! But i think my first pay is coming soon,possibly next week i'll be able to get my pay for the first month? Hmm,i think i got so much things that i wanna to buy that i don't know which one to start buying first? Hahas,i thinking of buying contact lens,hmm. Well,get my first pay first ba? Then decide on things. But i still have to buy a Casual Formal shirt for the Zhong Hua Secondary Staff dinner on 1/9/10. Still got a long way,but what the hell is casual formal? Hmm,not sure what kind of shirts to buy,anybody got any idea? =).

It's a miracle that i actually remember what i did and ate yesterday!? Hmm,really forgetful now. Maybe it's cause of it? =D.

Well yesterday i went to cut hair with beng,then meet up with tay,yan and hock soon. I wasn't really expecting lijjuan,ahwan and cherlyn to be there at the cc too. So had dinner with the boys idiot =P.

Why is my heart still beating so fast whenever i pass by the basketball court? Why is my heart still burning with flame when i see my basketball? Isn't it something that i have already given up? Am i so useless? I can't give up basketball. Mostly importantly i can't forget her...

2010-06-06T21:12:00.002+08:00

If i have a choice between the world and you,i would choose you!

Back from the house warming session from my cousin house. There's a sky garden on top of the house. The view there was so damn nice. I was even able to watch the sunset just now. Even though i been watching the sunset almost everyday in the past when i was working at Jurong Island,but the view was different and the feeling you have when you watched the sunset down that moment was also different too. Then suddenly i remember of some of my memories at the sky garden. I remember the other time during December where i went to OC sky garden with someone and view the town. Was beautiful.

2010-06-05T18:27:00.002+08:00

A lost mean one step closer to winning the next time.

Back from the ASGF competition in iluma. The competition is on Sudden Attack and for you people information i ain't playing in the competition =). Bascially a total loss for both Xtremist team. Well can't be blame as Otaku and ODY are strong team. But Chuan team manage to trash TPK! Doppel team lose to SNP and forget the other 2 team. Didn't really notice their match to see if they win or not. But the lan shop there today are very crowded with people. There're also Audition competition there. WoW so many Girls in Guy Clothes!(FYI they're guy,just being sarcastic bout them playing Audition=D). So bascially it mean it's hard to walk around with the crowded. After the competition we went to eat Empire State! Judging from the name,you can tell the bill we pay is WOOT! 3 person $83.90.

Limping the whole night after i reach home from my work yesterday. I think it's because i been standing and walking too much this whole week and cause muscles cramped at night. Morning was still limping and still hurt when i go to bugis! WooT! Now i am very very tired =D. So i just gonna stop here.

Not going to blog bout emo stuff! =D. If not later someone gonna say me again! I so scared =P.

2010-06-04T20:41:00.003+08:00

The hardest thing in life is "Letting Go"

Finally i have reach end of the week. While all the trouble has ended for the week in Zhonghua Secondary but also mark the start of another trouble! I need write my weekly reflection for this week. Not sure what to write for this week. HMM. Choose one task i done? I been like doing washing and washing and arranging and arranging almost the whole week! A week of hell and next week i still have to continue! Really can't take it much longer of those pampered kid there! ARGH! Break my tolerance level and what you get is a fucking crazy bastard scolding those pampered kid! Really like thinking this,Top School? Give such a pampered student? Dare call yourself Top School? Or is it that "Top School" produce pampered student that don't even wish their own things after practical? Anyhow leave things lying there when instruction is given? Pure Sciences Student ar? PUII! ARGH! Keep Your Cool! Telling myself this whole day! I think there's a limit to everything. And those student are passing my limit pushing it back so much!
I suddenly remember someone told me this some day ago. When will you stop running away? I think i been running and running for so long like that person say that i forgot how to stop? But sometime i just feel that maybe the best choice in life to solve a problem is by running ba? Maybe this is just my excuses to escape from the cruel reality but one thing that person said make me think a lot that night is that will it help in this problem? I never really think bout this cause i been running and running away from the problem and not willing to face the truth after it happen half a year ago.

2010-05-30T18:20:00.002+08:00

A life without you hold no meaning to me.

First time first.Wanna wish happy 18th birthday to Joyce. Finally 18th already,hahas grats grats.

Secondly. I bought a new earpiece today at causeway point. I bought back the same kind of earpiece,actually i wanna get a new kind of earpiece. But the sales person when i ask her recommend me the same earpiece i used to had when i ask her what kind of earpiece has both noise cancelling and is loud. Well i can't deny that the fact that this earpiece has both function and i hardly find a earpiece that i like anyway,and it's not really me to keep changing and changing ba?=DD.

Thirdly,i hasn't done my reflection! I need Nisa to help me sign tomorrow but still not very sure what to write. HMM. Tomorrow i will be under Adeline. Helping her with Chemistry and Biology Lab. Actually i quite hate it -.-" And ohh did i mention that Adeline is a perfectionist? This is the kind of person i seriously hate to work with in life! Cause i don't like the way they work! Tsk,well at least tomorrow onwards we're able to go out for lunch and the lunch duration is extended to 1hours!! Wee You Wee. But well like she said before we give and take -.-" Still can't take my own sweet time and have my lunch ar. At least tomorrow we'll be released at 4Pm or early cause they have what movie preview? Well,what can i say? We benefit too =DD.

Fourthly,next week will be Sudden Attack Final. Well,that kuku lanjia0 Beng not going for it. BOO. Still Goodluck to Chuan and his squad =D. Against SNP lei!! Black Horse VS White Horse. But win le still got stronger black horse,Otaku! Hahas,well it's compeition afterall,it's sure to be hard to win. Also goodluck to Xtremist,Doppel team =).

Ok i finally come to the last point,and also the most important issue. Basically this is to someone that's almost as important to me as her...

To Ahwan : Alcohols won't solve anything in life. If you think that you're alone or feel like you need to talk to someone,didn't i always say that i'll always be here for you? When was i not for you whenever you call me? Other then on my birthday that night i on silent mode and didn't hear till 12.30 =.=". But like i say,what the point of blaming yourself for something that you didn't do? I don't think beng even feel hurt in whatsoever way(He's a moron that don't feel hurt =D). And you bluff me in saying that you had let go of the past when you didn't even did one bit! Hais,don't even know if i should get angry or not!!

Won't be blogging for a few days ba? Don't even feel like using my laptop this few days.

2010-05-29T20:57:00.003+08:00

This'll be the first and last time i ever said "I Love You"

Next week of IA is going to be hell for me! LOLs. I know i will get hell from next week IA! But i am always ready for it!

Something is wrong with my hand again! What The Fish? It hurt like hell even just swinging my hand too hard.

LASTLY,i got my POSB personal account! My wallet will be much thinner from now on! Just to declare,I AIN'T RICH YOU ALL MOTHER FUCKER THAT KEEP SAYING I AM RICH!!! LOLs.

2010-05-25T18:39:00.002+08:00

Yes or No is all i ever needed from you.

Second day of my Industries Attachment. Still been able to hang on properly. Hahas.

2010-05-24T18:11:00.003+08:00

The world is big but i am struck in a small space waiting for you to return.

First day of my IA. Well,not really what i expected of the place though. Was very hot there and lucky i didn't wear too thick. HMM.

2010-05-23T19:37:00.003+08:00

When i lose myself,i think of you.

Today went to the Sudden Attack Competition again. Congrats to Jiun An and Beng team for making it to the final! 2 more weeks to final. And also Doppel group for making it to final too. Close win for their last round hahas!

Tomorrow is starting of our 4 months IA already. HMM.

2010-05-22T17:52:00.002+08:00

Countdown to the end.

Went to park way parade i think if i remember the name correctly. LOLs! To watch Chuan competition for Sudden Attack. Grats him for getting in the next round first,but the real battle start now =D.

Bought 2 new shirt! Still wanna buy a jeans. LOLs! No Money~ =(.

Tired and i misses you =.="

2010-05-21T17:55:00.002+08:00

No matter how much sorry i said to you,i still can't forgive myself for all i done to you.

Bought a DVD today. Just another pandora box. Laughed like hell cause it's quite funny,giving me a chance to forget the things that happen yesterday for awhile. But now the movie ended and i'm back to normal again.

2010-05-20T19:45:00.002+08:00

I am not myself anymore.

Feeling tired and moodless to blog bout anything.

The worst that can ever happen in my life is harbouring false hope. But i still did in the things... and continue doing it...

End of my post. LOLs.

2010-05-19T13:54:00.002+08:00

Evil and Good can never co-exist.

Sians! what's wrong with me? I intend to sleep till 10am at least!! But i sleep 8hours wake up automatic already!

Went go watch "The Losers" this morning. Well don't know what to say bout the movie,it's not bad but on the same time bit sucks also. But still quite ok the movie. LOLs.

2010-05-18T19:21:00.003+08:00

Your worst nightmare has come.

Tomorrow don't have any lesson. No more QCA lesson anymore! HooHoo! I hope this is the last time i will ever attend Madam Ruhaida lesson! LOLs. Need to go back to school at 5pm! WTF?! Peak hour teacher!! People going home,why are we going back school at a time like this!? But no choice,tomorrow we'll know where we're appointed to. If it hasn't changed,i think i will get Tanglin Secondary! Well Well tsk tsk.

Freaking not feeling very good now! Damn the shit hell.

2010-05-17T19:23:00.015+08:00

Everything will pass as time goes by.

Everybody keep saying this phrase over and over again. But is it really true that as time goes by everything will pass and people will forget? Maybe it's true for some people. But i think it's going to be hard hard hard for me to forget! But i really can't believe that there're actually people who "claim" that they love a person so so much that they could just find and go love another person in such a short period of time! WTF is with the world? Or maybe it's just that my mindset is still living in the 80's or 90's century? Ha! Ha! Laughing at myself! LOLs! Think i am going crazy. Well,thinking on the other side,was i ever normal in the first place? Hmm. Tough question...

Walked in the rain from simei track to school. The whole day freaking freaking freaking cold!!! Damn cold. Some how i feel like i am going to fall sick any time again.

2010-05-16T14:03:00.002+08:00

Smile boldly even if you fall.

Getting tired of things.Thinking bout studying or not to study! LOLs. Like never ending of studying for TEST! TEST! TEST! ARGH! *Trash all notes aside!*

2010-05-13T19:34:00.003+08:00

To truly love someone is to do the best for them even if it mean leaving them.

In the sea of people,i met you under certain situation. I thought it was fate that bought us together. Creating all those happy moment and memories before the end of my life. But when we reach shore. Everything came to an end. What was left inside of me is just a empty shell with all those happy memories of you living inside of me.

Sometime a word is all you need to hurt someone? At time we can't do anything except hurting them.

2010-05-13T15:01:00.002+08:00

Someone born in the Shadow will always be afraid of the Light

WTF? Getting sick more and more easily now a days. Crazy. Woke up to found myself having no voice due to sore throat! Bought herbal tea to drink and feeling the effect of the herbal tea now! =D.

2010-05-10T18:56:00.004+08:00

Another promised made and to be kept.

Woohoo! I think i gonna fail my Molecular Biology. Hmm. I think i failed my phrase test today. I don't even know how to do the calculation for the test. Worst ever,but i think i ain't seeing the worst YET! Afterall i am going out for my Industry Attachment soon. This week or next week i am going to know if i am going out for my Industry Attachment or not already. Wonder if it's near my house! LOLs. Okie i think i am dreaming. Don't think it'll ever be near my house!

Fuck,my hand is injured again. Hurting like hell now.

2010-05-09T19:19:00.003+08:00

Earning Money!! Saving Money!!

There are certain thing whereby we can't control in life. Some time maybe the best thing to do in life when we can't control anything is by doing NOTHING at all. But there're also things whereby we can't sit by and do nothing at all. And i NOT gonna do so anymore! Sitting aside and do nothing is not my style right from the starting! Revenge is sweeter when you do it yourself!

2010-05-08T19:22:00.004+08:00

Keep Going & Never Look Back.

Working! Working! Working! Need to work this 2 day! Lols. Hmm,going out for IA soon! Kinda feeling sucks about this somehow? Why company am i assign to? It's near my house? It's near somewhere i wish i would be? Would anyone be in the same company as me? Bla Bla Bla. I think it's kinda crap when i don't even know if i am going out for IA!? Maybe will end up In-House IA! Wah sure sians!! Need wake up early and face all the teachers everyday! Kinda tired.

Feeling of going somewhere next Saturday. Not very sure too. Hmm.

Need to buy lots and lots and lots of things for someone special to me. Gonna spend quite lots of money. Well,worth it to see her happy,even though i can't really see her. Hahas.

Somehow i got a feeling i been bluffed for a long time...

2010-05-07T20:50:00.003+08:00

I feel as if my head is spinning... LOLs! Getting more and more sick... Damn it.

당신은 당신에게 처음에 속하지 않는 무언가를 포기합니까?

2010-05-06T16:32:00.000+08:00

Lols,i think my body is getting worst and worst. Weird.

2010-05-05T20:47:00.002+08:00

It just doesn't pay to be good and help other.
Chasing after so much comic and manga series till i lost track of which manga series do i read. Been reading too much too much manga.

당신이 내 마음에 하루 종일 이니까 천천히 자신을 잃고.

2010-05-04T19:40:00.007+08:00

I carry on living by the promise i made to someone very important in my life,that changed me. I'll never try to break my promised ever.

난 계속 모든 약속 내가 당신에게했고, 내가 편을 당신을 떠나지 않을 것입니다

2010-05-03T19:22:00.010+08:00

I'll hand on till the very end! I must try no matter how hard or how much it's going to take me.

당신이 사랑하는 컸구나 한 잊을 수 있습니까? 당신이 잘 수있다면. 넌, 넌 단지 고통의 지옥에서 자신을 고문이야 수있다면.

2010-05-02T12:30:00.009+08:00

At time when we thought things are going our way,it may end up NOT going our way in the end. Everythings is fated and we can run but we can't escape from fate. No matter how we tried to fight against our fate,the end result will always be the same in the end. It'll always end up how fate wanted it to be ended in. Some time we thought that we may have won against fate,but the truth is we lost.
Friends come. Friends go. We can't decide anything nor change anything. Why not open up our heart and accept the fate that they have gone for good and nothing we do will change the fact that it's true they're gone. No point getting angry nor sad over things because nothing will ever last forever. Forever is just a word,it hold no meaning or whatsoever.

사람들이 변화하지, 그리고 아무것도 영원합니다.

2010-04-29T15:01:00.000+08:00

It's raining raining heavily outside my house... BORED! Not feeling well and i can't get to sleep cause of the rain... Ah my headache is getting worst!!! *SLEEP*

Fucking pissed off bout something which i can't say it out or ask! ARGH! Must tolerate with it like i always did in the past! Won't lose my cool so easily now,i made a promise to you!

2010-04-28T21:41:00.000+08:00

Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! My desktop got problem! Damn the crap shit out of it! I don't think the problem with my keyboard! It's with my DESKTOP! My keyboard can't use! =(. Think my USB port spoilt already or is really my keyboard problem. HMM. I spend so much on my keyboard! I won't go to it fair to buy gaming keyboard anymore! LOLs. So fucking piss off,luckily i got my laptop if not i don't know how do my SOP already! HENG!

2010-04-26T23:23:00.000+08:00

I really like what this 2 picture is saying.

In the end we always regret the chances we didn't take.

the relationship we were afraid to have.

And the decision we waited too long to made.

Are You Making Full Use Of The Chances Given And The Time Left? Cause I Am,And I Will Die Without Regret.

2010-04-26T15:50:00.000+08:00

I think i got a weird disease. I call it weekend sickness! Getting fever every weekend nowadays. Weird. Morning woke up headache like freak!

아는 사람 중에 당신의 사랑에 대해서만 빌었습니다,하지만 더 그렇다 예상 대 로야.

2010-04-25T19:29:00.000+08:00

Slept like 7Hours or so yesterday. Feeling the tired in me now! Lols.

Currently: Busy Gaming!

Learning how to snip in Sudden Attack. Frankly i sucks in sniping. Wanna train to be a better Sniper! =D.

사랑과 죽음이 얼굴을 올 때. 어떻게 할 것인가?

2010-04-24T22:49:00.000+08:00

I'M TRYING TO LEARN KOREAN! Okie,i am basically just joking about learning Korean. But i really wanna buy Guitar or Skateboard while i still have the chance to learn it! =D.

To WanYee: Hey Yo! oY yeH! Don't think this the time to joke. Ok to the main point. What's happening to you? I thought you promise me that nothing will knock you down already? I really don't know what happen to you this few days. But really what's the point of crying right? Hais. At time things may not go our way but what happen to my Ahwan!? Huh? As far as i can remember my ahwan is strong and never give up right? Tell me what happen alright? And stop asking me to not worry. I worry for you,as my friend,as my ahwan okie? Take Care of yourself ar!

사랑은 사람들이, 그럼 우리가 어떻게 우리가 사랑에 대해 경험이 모든 고통을 설명 할 말을 간단있다면?

2010-04-23T18:46:00.001+08:00

Late for school today! As usual. Sway Day.

End of my post for today! Thanks You.

잘못되고 그냥 빨아 느낌이있다는 느낌.

2010-04-22T21:54:00.000+08:00

Today is my birthday. I finally 18! ALCOHOL! CIGAR! M18 MOVIE! Ok just kidding bout those. It's time to be more mature then 17. I should be more responsible for my action then before.

Thanks to those who wished me Happy Birthday.

As usual. I'm eating my birthday cake alone at home like always... Well. Should i say i'm used to it or just wishing for someone to celebrate with me.

난 단지 당신이 행복도 만약 내가 당신 품으로하지 않습니다 것입니다 좋겠어.

2010-04-21T19:56:00.000+08:00

Freaking tired waking up this morning. Why am i getting more and more tired day by day? Weird! Very weird! Must sleep early when i go out for IA! SAD! SAD!

Time! Time! Time!

Today is Berlin Ng Hui Xuan Birthday! Even though i FREAKING hate her. But i still can't change the fact we're classmate since primary 4! -.-" Consider myself unlucky...

시간은 당신을 위해 기다릴 수 없습니다.

2010-04-20T19:40:00.000+08:00

This is the 2nd time i took circle line home from school! LOLs. Seem like it's very jam at Bishan MRT station. I'm getting squash until like a Roti Prata! Flat! =).

My Supergirl is sick! =(. Get well soon ar ahwan! =D.

난 당신의 미소를 잃었다.

2010-04-19T19:44:00.000+08:00

Getting more and more tired and tired no matter how much i resting. Is it because that i'm sick this few days,or is it because of other reason?

Some picture of yesterday BBQ with sec class. I don't think anybody could spot me in the group photo taken! MUHAHAHA. I hid way way behind at the back =).

내 생애 최고의 후회가 당신과 사랑에 빠지지하고 우리의 우정을 망치는거야.

2010-04-18T14:04:00.000+08:00

Later i going to have BBQ near my house! MUHAHAHAHA! Okie i really don't know what to blog today. Not feeling that well this 3 days...

그대와 영원히하고 모든 약속 내가 당신에게 만들어 유지 수 없다는 걸 용서하십시오.

2010-04-17T19:25:00.000+08:00

BLA. BLA. BLA. Tomorrow having BBQ at Teck Whye Garden. This is the 2nd BBQ after Jovin birthday BBQ i had with them. Kinda weird this time? Cause there will be much Much MUCH lesser people going compared to Jovin Birthday BBQ. Also i ain't bringing someone with me this time too.

난 용기가 사실 내가 당신과 사랑에 과거에 빠졌을 인정할 필요가 없습니다. 하지만 지금은 그 사실을 직면하고 후회하고있다. 만약에 내가 그 사실을 우리는 어떻게 우리가 지금하는 것입니다 얼굴은 안 했어?

2010-04-16T21:37:00.000+08:00

The Choices You Made Now,Decide Your Future.

I don't know why the fuck and i saying such things in my blog suddenly. Just feel that maybe it's really time to make that decision and let everything that should end come to end. A friendship that is connected to love is never an easy relationship. I don't really know what it feel like to be love and love someone and care for them not just as a friend,but someone special. Maybe just like someone told me years ago that i shouldn't and can never find someone special in my life. It just will never happen to me like to others. Sometime i really feel like maybe i should just leave things the way it's now. What for am i fighting so hard for something that shouldn't be mine? But thinking back,i never really did fight for anything. Always having the thought that we can never be together. Always just wishing all those happy moment could just stop at that very moment. Living in my own world of wishing and dreaming of things that can never happen. Thinking of memories that bring back both happiness and a great amount of pain inside of me. Thought that i had let go off but the fact is that i never even did once. Felt so stupid bout myself.

In the past i even thought if GOD were really the one that made us,why do he give us the power to think and feel? And love... I really think that this 3 is the most deadly weapon one could use to hurt another. No matter how powerful is Guns are or Cannon or whatever weapon that man made,it can never win the weapon that GOD gave to us in the very first place. It's easy to get and it's free. Also the level of deadly is way higher then any GUN nor Bomb could do. But still... I DON'T BELIEVE IN GODS! =D.

If somethings is broken,we would just repair it. But when the things is beyond repair,we would just simply throw it away in the duskbin. A broken watch can bring to a watchshop for repair? A broken handphone can bring to the handphone shop for repair. But where can i bring a broken heart for repair? Maybe i might just open a shop to repair broken heart. I bet i will make lots of money! If i were to ever find a way to mend those broken heart first. But i think first i will mend my? =D...

2010-04-16T12:09:00.000+08:00

Woke up and find my chest in pain and i woke up late too! Lols. Seem bit of shit but ya!

6 More Days. I wanna go to the place of memories to me... To relive the bit of happy memories i have.

2010-04-15T20:13:00.000+08:00

I don't know what the fuck happen during lesson today. Just a smell of the Alkaline Protease and woo! My chest suddenly hurt like fucking hell. Keep coughing outside and couldn't talk much as it really really hurt just talking and laughing.

a

2010-04-14T20:06:00.000+08:00

Someone e-mailed me something idiotic...

Title: 10 ways to tell if a guys like you.

Well,i don't know if it apply to all the guys in this world,but i think it does to lots of guys?

He cuddles you until you cuddles back.
He stares deeply in your eyes and doesn't care if you notice him.
He will babble on like a idiot just to talk to you.
He laugh at your joke no matter how crap it is.
He is quieter when he is alone with you.
He will hug you over 3 time everytime he see you.
He will get annoyed at anyone who look like they are going to hurt you.
He can't always finish his sentence cause he think he may look like a idiot.
He can barely squeeze out the word "i love you" when he walk you home.

2010-04-14T19:38:00.000+08:00

This's the 3rd day of a new term. Now we're JB0904R now. Class R(A). Okie,just a joke about the A.

I saw someone special to me today... Not going to say who. She'll know who she is =). Right?

Saw sadness in your eyes today. But i felt sadness inside of me at the very same moment i saw that. Why does i feel this way even till now?

2010-04-11T23:25:00.000+08:00

How long does it take to completely forget someone? I feel so foolish in the past to think that yes i could do it easily. Maybe i'm just a fool. A fool to not know when to fuck off and disappear forever. It's time to learn the last lesson of life. "Knowing when is the right time to disappear forever..." The time when i finish that last lesson of life,is the time whereby i will completely disappear from you forever and i'm already reaching the last chapter of the lesson. Just like the path of life is reaching it's end.
I don't know how long has i been blogging. There're so many blog i had in the past. Each blog hold a piece of the memories i had. Every memories is precious to me. Just like how this word "DESTIINY" had been with me. Destiiny hold so much memories of the past to me,a past which i can never move on from and walk out of the shadow of pain. A past whereby each step i took is a mistake and i end up hurting the one important person to me. A past whereby doubt and anger took the best of me. A past whereby jealousy seem no end in that chapter. A past of Wugui and Zhuzhu. A past whereby two stranger became friends,lover,and stranger again. A past of mistake...
The last chapter of my life is called "ENDING". It's the ending of all my past. A end to all the mistake i made. Also a end to all the true little happiness i experience in this chapter of my life. The ending of everything that ever appear in this chapter of my life. All those happy dream of memories which i had try so hard to forget but always in the end torture me when night falls. A nights whereby happy memories torture you throughout the night till dawn appear. The ending of all regrets.

2010-04-10T23:09:00.001+08:00

I'm Tired Of All The Memories I Hold.

I am running and running for the past 18 years of my life. I don't even know why am i wasting my life running away problem after problem,things after things. Eventually i got tired of running already. I thought of settling down for something i love and always hoped for. But in the end it's all just a dream to me. A dream that i wish i could never wake up from. A dream that i wish i could sleep and dream forever and never return to face reality. But like all other dream i had in the past,this dream end up the same as other too. Every single time i woke up from my dream,i find my heart getting more and more broken then the previous one.

The most deadly weapon in this world are "Memories" and "Words". It's because both of them last forever deeply in our mind. When both memories and words are given from the one that you loved. Just like not all scar show,nor all wound could be healed. And it doesn't mean that we could see all the pain and suffering one is going through deeply inside of him. Cheerful look are just a cover,a perfect cover to hide all those scar and wound that reside under the masks that nobody know that it even exist.

Some people say it's better to love someone that you can never get then love someone you shouldn't love. But for me,i love someone that i can never be with on the other hand she's also someone which i should never ever loved! Because loving her is a mistake from the start.

Some time i really wondered which is the worst pain? Saying something that you shouldn't and wishing that you didn't? Or saying nothing at all and wishing you had in the first place? I experienced both. And both hurt. At time i really wonder this question. Should i say out the things in the first place? Or should i even not say out things bluntly? I just wish i know the answer myself.

Ever wonder which hurt the most? Seeing the person you cared for,love with someone other then you? Seeing her happy but the person beside her is not you. Knowing that when she's feeling down and needed a shoulder to lean on,but you know that the person that she's leaning on is not your? Or being with the one you loved,but only to see her getting more and more unhappy with you day by day? Not knowing anything about her? Not knowing if she's happy even though she's smiling infront of you? Which will you choose? See the person you loved being happy with the true happiness she deserved? Or fighting for your own happiness? I would choose a 3rd chose. I would choose to run away from the person i once loved. Bringing away all those memories with me away and wishing that she'll be more happy with the one she loved. Wishing the person would be able to do a much better job in protecting her then you could. Perhaps the hardest happiness one could ever wished for is watching the one you loved,love someone else?

If you were given a choice. To choose to fight for your own happiness or to let go of the one you loved and let her find her happiness. Which will it be?

The happiest thing that you'll ever felt is when you see the one you loved smile. The worst thing that you'll ever felt is when you see the one you loved sad. Because you tend to feel twice,thrice or more time the sadness they are feeling.

Finally i come to an END =P. The hardest words in my dictionary is "I LOVE YOU". The hardest thing that i will ever do in my life is saying this 3 hardest words in my dictionary to the person i loved face to face. I'll only said it when my life is nearing it's final destination...

2010-04-08T22:48:00.000+08:00

The trip from my house to there was only only bout 45min.

The trip back from there took 1hour 30min.

It was twice the time i took there...

2010-04-07T20:14:00.000+08:00

Trying to forget the SUN,and looking at the good of the MOON!

All my hard work over the weeks for nothing! Damn Man!

2010-04-03T16:09:00.001+08:00

Got a serious sunburn from yesterday! ARGH! HURTS!