Friday, October 7, 2011
I Just Can't Forget You!
How long has it been? 4 weeks in Home Team Academy already. Even i can't believe that 1 month passed so fast. But i don't even know if my fitness level had increased or not. But i really hoped to make a different in my life this 2 years.
Why can't i just forget you? Every night after dinner,i will just think about you suddenly. Really wish those memories inside of me stop coming back to torture me already.
Sunday, October 2, 2011
Life As We Know It
Life is starting to get worst for me in Home Team Academy. I not even sure if i am able to hang on to the very last minute. To the day i can POP/POC. But like the words,"Steer Determination". With "Steer Determination",i can hold on till the end of 6 months. Not going to give up anymore because i promised Ahwan i won't!
Last night,i can't take it and went to her Facebook and check up on her again. Maybe i really can't forget what had happen between the both of us. I really wonder how long is this gonna take for me to really not care so much for you.
I LOVE YOU.
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Life In Police NS
Life is not easy there. Discipline is so much more needed inside the HTA. Everyday get fucked up by the Field Instructor. Seriously in there lots of moral support from people you love really helps.
Had it been months since we last meet? But why do i still feel so much for you? I can't shake off this feeling of wanting to see you! It's so hard! So hard to forget you! Why? Can someone tell me how to forget you? Why do i feel so miserable without you? I really felt like crying out loud at time,but i can't. I want to get stronger in term of body and mind! I want to forget you! I want to find someone to love properly. Someone who depend on me likewise i depend on too!
BUT I REALLY MISSES YOU!
And i still LOVE you...
Monday, July 18, 2011
WHAT TO DO?
What should i do now? Hang on to the very last bit of hope i have? Or rather hang on to the very last bit of delusion hope i have? I knew all along that when i let you go that night,i won't be able to hold you in my arm again. LOVE? I love you! But does it matter? I finally got the courage to say i like you to you,but the truth is i really want to say is i love you. But maybe i am just a weakling. A weakling that can't even say out the really feeling i want to say. A weakling that doesn't dare to say YES I REALLY WANT TO BE WITH YOU NO MATTER WHAT! GIVE ME A CHANCE!? But NO! I am a weakling that don't even dare to admit it. I am a weakling that only avoid it. Saying i don't mind,i don't mind. But i mind! I wanna be with you! A chance to be with you! But maybe by running away this time again is the best choice i'll ever made for you? Who know if i can even bring you happiness? RIGHT?
TEARS? SADNESS? HAPPINESS? ANGER? Why isit all coming back to me? I thought i could make my heart be as cold as ice. But maybe i'm just a human after all.
Monday, June 20, 2011
FORGET!!
Seriously i shouldn't think that this happiness that i feel is mine again. Because it doesn't belong to me,so stop thinking about it! =(
Benjamin signing off..
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
I REALLY WISH TO LEARN THIS 1 LIFE LESSON.
To learn how to forget YOU.
Friday, March 18, 2011
DOES IT MATTER?
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
MY CHOICE!
The time to make my choice is reaching. I must get all my courage and do it. No matter what the outcome of it will be i have to do it! IT'S FOR THE BETTER OF HER... I don't expect her to forgive me nor even understand my decision. Because all my lives i always been this unlucky. Meeting her,knowing her,falling in love was really a bonus. But FATE still gonna take away my bonus at the very end every single time... This time is no different too.
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
The Best Memories Is The Most Sad Memories I Ever Had.
It's been so long since i last blogged. Sometime i wonder what's the point of blogging? Hmm.
You said you have pride. Then what about me? I have feeling too when you do such things. Don't treat me like i am invisible!?
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
To move on without forgetting the dead,but also to cherish the living ones.
This week is damn freaking tiring for me. Both physically and mentally. I can get enough sleep to make up for my physically tiredness,but i not sure how to cure my mental tiredness. So tired. I just wanna give up caring about things,but in the end my mind still tend to think of solution... GO DIE MY MIND!
2-3 more weeks CNY already. So much so much things i have to do. Getting a new speaker for my computer tomorrow maybe?
MONEY LEFT : $550 =(.
